Murder

I know murder is a very broad topic so I wanna narrow this conversation down to Trayvon Martin and Zimmerman. Yes, Zimmerman is a murderer. He did kill Trayvon in a hate crime for what seems like no reason. And yes,Zimmerman was inappropriate when saying that killing Trayvon must of been God's plan, BUT was he wrong? I'm not saying God killed him but simply let the devil have his way this time. Trayvon Martin's father may not be able to see it that way because of the grief but I do. I mean God knows what's going to happen. God knew that Trayvon would be coming to him soon. He didn't interfere because he know how it was going to play out. I believe he wanted the uproar and the people's responses. He know this death was the one that would wake people up.  I'm not siding with Zimmerman but many women and men have buried their murdered children. Many for no good reason at all except they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I understand Trayvon was young but much younger have died. And what is so significant about this death that the United States can't get off of it. Trayvon Martin was not the first kid to die and won't be the last. He wasn't even the only person that died that day. There were other shootings that day, other deaths so why does this bother people so much. And why is everyone like me considered wrong for not making a big deal out of the whole thing. We're not domestic terrorists, we just don't linger on the past. Just like the news didn't linger on all shooting victims stories. Yes this was a sad occasion but what about the little three year old who and just got his first bike and went outside to  ride it and was killed. You don't hear about these stories. Most people will never know how many people die everyday from violence, hate crimes, and nameless bullets. But I guarantee Trayvon Martin is not hurting. I guarantee he isn't the last person to every die wrongly. And I guarantee worrying about Zimmerman's justice is not doing anything. He will get his justice but not from any man.

Authority

I have a major problem with people telling me what to do. I freaking hate it. It doesn't matter who it is: a parent, teacher, friend, family member, anybody. I don't like the feeling of someone being able to will me. I don't consider it disrespect but my way of keeping my free will. I only wish people would leave me alone sometimes. I mean what is wrong with not doing something. What are children suppose to do on THEIR SUMMER BREAK? I don't care how many times parents say they used to be kids, because you're NOT a kid now, so stop trying to relate. You don't know what's going on in my head and you don't know how I feel. Just back off. I really don't want to you to understand. I want you to let me make my choices and follow my path. Unwanted help is not always good. You trying to push me is making me push too. Just away from you.

Relations

I have a problem. I sort of talking to and dating this boy. The first problem is he lives in Chicago and I live in Gary. The second is I get infatuated easily and I believe I like him, like a lot. I'm not sure if my heart is lying to me or if it's my heart I'm really hearing at all. Another thing is I'm a virgin. I have a purity ring which means I have to wait until I am married to have sex and I don't think I want to wait. I feel like if I break that pledge to God I'll get striked by lightning and sent automatically to hell. Also I'm sensitive about my body. I'm not skinny and gorgeous like other girls, not calling myself ugly of course. Just sometimes I don't feel as pretty or as confident in my looks that I want to be. I get compliments from guys sometimes but they almost always then ask me to send them nude pics afterward. It's the same thing with this guy, Khalid. Every time we text we always talk about skyping and how he wants me to flash him and he wants to see me naked or in the shower. I'm not comfortable with that and I told him this but I guess it didn't sink in and like I said I like him. We finally did skype for the first time yesterday and I'm not sure how it went. First off, I loved his face and his voice. I don't know what it was but his smile captured me. It made me want to smile, then it got awkward. He was naked and wanted me to watch him take a shower. I had no problem with that, I mean I like dick even if it isn't the longest or thickest but he kept pestering me about flashing him and I wouldn't. After that I got quiet because I wanted to see if he would change the subject and he did but it didn't go as I wanted. I thought he had asked if I thought I was slick so I said no and then he asked so you think I have a small dick. I was confused. I said no and that wasn't the question you originally asked. He laughed and said it wasn't? Then like 2.4 seconds later he hung up on me. I'm not sure if it was because it was too hard to shower and talk or because I couldn't give him what he wanted and he felt I was wasting his time. I feel ashamed because I really like him but I shouldn't have to change my morals for a guy should I? The whole point of this huge paragraph is to talk about relationships. Is it wrong or unfair to want an intimate relationship rather than strictly physical attraction? Is it wrong to get to know someone deeply before you realize you want to be with them? Is it too much to ask for a friendship before a relationship? Are all these questions from my lack of experience and age? Am I not mature enough or ready to date? Should I stop pursuing men who want sex right now?

Confused To the Extreme

Baby Chastity

The Beginning

I just wanted to start by saying hello. This is sort of like a memoir for me to express my feelings, but it's not a diary. It is merely a reflection of me and the person I want to be. Who I know i can and should be. This is my voice. It will express everything I am not brave enough to put in words.